Bulletin bloopers
By Carol C. Harder
Finger flying fast on the keyboard. A comma in the wrong place – or not in the right place. Proofreading that does not catch the double entendre. All of these often have an end result that provides for some of the richest humor. (And reoccurring nightmares to anyone who prints, posts or publishes.)
And, of course, happens to all of us – as none of of us is above making a mistake.
With no insult or injury intended, following are some church bulletin bloopers:
* The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
* This morning’s sermon will be Jesus Walks on Water. The sermon for tonight will be Searching for Jesus.
* Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things around the house that you don’t need anymore. Bring your husbands.
* Remember in prayer the many of our community who are sick. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
* Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.
* Miss Charlene Mason sang, I Will Not Pass This Way Again, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
* For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
* Next Thursday there will be choir tryouts. They need all the help they can get.
* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married in the church on October 24. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
* A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
* At tonight’s evening service, the sermon topic will be What is Hell? Come early and listen to our choir practice.
* Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* Place place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
* Potluck supper will be Sunday at 5 p.m. – prayer and medication to follow.
* The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
* This evening at 7 p.m., there will be hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
* Ladies Bible Study will be held on Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the fellowship hall after the B. S. is done.
* The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
* Low Self-Esteem Support Group will be Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
* The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement this Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. on Monday at the United Methodist Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
* The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new promotion program last Sunday. The theme of the campaign is I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours!